This Man on Women - Nos. 89-80

And now to review askmen.com's next deca-group of babes.

89. Tyra Banks: My mom always told me that if I didn't have anything nice to say about someone, don't say anything at all, so instead of mentioning how Ms. Banks's daytime talk show plays like a parody of a daytime talk show, I'll simply point out she has the nicest tits this side of John Travolta and be done with it.

88. Krista Allen: She looks like she could beat the shit out of me. And I don't mean that in the good way.

87. Rosario Dawson: Hispanic enough to be cast as an Afghan princess in Oliver Stone's "Alexander," Ms. Dawson possesses a high-wattage smile sure to give epilectics their well-deserved seizures and ivory poachers their "one-last-haul-and-I'm-out-of-the-business" reveries.

86. Hillary Duff: "Hillary turned 18 on September 28, 2005..." is the first phrase in askmen.com's "Career Highlight" profile of Ms. Duff. So you're not a pedophile anymore.

85. Diane Lane: Is a gay guy the photo editor here? Of all the pictures of Ms. Lane traversing the Internet, surely there's one that doesn't make her look like Charles Bukowski's girlfriend. Frankly, it's a jarring image coming after Hillary Duff.

84. Alyson Hannigan: Lists like this always have a few mildly attractive women like Ms. Hannigan thrown in so you think there's a few famous, desirable women out there you could actually get. Stop thinking that. You can't.

83. Morgan Webb: Who?

82. Sung Hi Lee: The flower's a nice touch. So is everything else, but I'm sensing that "famous" has lost all meaning in the editorial offices of askmen.com.

81. Jennifer Lopez: Ms. Lopez must thank her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that good judgement has nothing to do with sex appeal, what with her frequent marriages and her use of the n-word as a song lyric. Not that I wouldn't bone her nine ways from Sunday, but there's a certain fatalism now involved when you tell your buddy how you'd bone her nine ways from Sunday. It's like two old men talking about the weather.

80. Blake Lively: And how! (That's her real name, too, not her stripper appellation.) I've always been a fan of her "hippie-chick-goes-to-the-prom" look, even though she thinks she invented it.