Flyin' Fuckin' Robots

First, I suppose I gotta' apologize for takin' a few months off. I had to go to this thing called "rehab" where not only do they make you not drink, they tell you that you were a cocksucker for drinkin' except that you weren't a cocksucker because you really didn't have any control over it. Hey, doctor's orders.

The very name of the place - First Step Meadows - tells you all you need to know. It's for homos. I made a lot of people cry there with my straight talk, but that's for another day, because I got serious things on my mind.

My heart almost seized me when I opened up today's "Star-Ledger" and read about how there ain't shit we can do against an attack of flying robots. You think? Jesus. If there was anything we could do about flying robots, we would've done it by now, since the fear of flying robots - especially at O'Shea's - is so great it cuts through ideology and partisanship.

Our very humanity is what's gonna' bone us in the war against flying robots. The thing is, your average robot's got no conscience, no mind to speak of, regardless of his origin. He's just a machine, doing machine things and thinking machine thoughts. Maybe it wants some nuts and bolts for food, maybe it wants to get fucked up on some spiked motor oil. And, of course, it wants to fuck all our women, but that's pretty much it. There's nothing to stop them from takin' over the world; no second thoughts, no remorse like I kinda' felt after I broke a beer bottle on my son's face for actin' queer. And when they learn how to fly, it's over. They win.

(This isn't confirmed, but Butch - who's been right about this stuff before - told me that the robots were workin' on fag robots to assfuck all the males after the flying robots conquer the world. He said he's seen the prototype on the Internet - a big dildo attached to robot machine, and no pair of steel-plated drawers will be able to stop it!)

I guess we're just countin' the days until all that shit happens. So I'm gonna' have me a drink or ten at O'Shea's, and no robot-ignorant, rehab pansy is gonna' tell me otherwise.

- Frank McManus