Pick Up Lines for Youths

At O'Shea's, I've seen it all, including the garbage how-do-you-dos the young stallions use on phillies. Christ, I'd be lucky to work the Port Authority men's room if that was the best material at my disposal. In the interest in keeping pregnancy up, here are some of ol' Frank's best openers:

1. My mother didn't like gals like you, so be grateful I'm buying you a Carling's Black Label, bitch.

2. How 'bout that penis? ("Cock" works just fine after midnight, but it's classier if you don't whip it out right away. Let the broad's imagination work its magic.)

3. My bottom of the barrel goes yard over your top of the heap.

4. Stop talking to the oak, minx!

5. You make me want to go to the can, kick out the junkie, and plow the monkey. (The rhyme is what gets 'em.)

Now go to work, homo!

- Frank McManus