Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon

I was reading the paper at O'Shea's the other day when I came upon a story about how college kids don't cut it in the "skills" department. According to the pin dicks at the American Institutes for Research, half the punks at four-year schools like St. John's "could not interpret a table about exercise and blood pressure, understand the arguments of newspaper editorials, compare credit card offers with different interest rates and annual fees or summarize results of a survey about parental involvement in school."

Or as this Irishman puts it, half of college kids aren't women.

I don't know shit about any of that stuff and it hasn't stopped me. Exercise? That's for chicks so they look good when I'm fuckin' 'em. Newspaper editorials? If they're talking about the stories in the back of the paper that demand committees be formed to look into something further, I got no use for 'em. Credit cards? Jesus, Mary and Joseph. They're my wife's plastic vibrators. And parental involvement in school? I remember my old man telling me "school's for fags, son" when I was three-years-old.

Even if half the chicks in college don't know this stuff, what difference does it make? They've got to know one thing - the location of Frank McManus's johnson.

- Frank McManus