Fag Lion

I was O'Shea's last night watching the game with Pete McCluskey when a commercial came on for The Chronicles of Narnia. In the middle of it, Pete says he saw the flick and what's more, the dumbfuck actually liked it.

Then he says something that really got my goat. He says, "You see that lion?"

"Yeah. So what?" I says.

"That lion's supposed to be Jesus."

Now God and me may not see eye-to-eye on everything - all that "forgiveness" bullshit is swishy to me - but I know the man upstairs wouldn't allow some Hollywood punk to make a movie where his son is played by a lion.

"That's bullshit!" I says.

"No. It talks in the movie and it comes back to life," Pete says.

"Comes back to life? So it's a fuckin' zombie lion!"

"No, it's Jesus."

"Look at that lion. Look at the way it prances around, pretty as you please. That's a fag lion if I ever saw one!"

That shut Pete up pretty fast, because he knows there's no way a fag lion can be Jesus. But it got me thinking - what if I came across that fag lion in real life? It'd be looking at me with its fag eyes and talking to me with its fag mouth, and I couldn't do shit about it because it could eat me, probably starting with my Irish cock.

- Frank McManus